Christmas Day

At last Christmas morning is here,
And I'm wondering as lunchtime draws near,
Watching all of the people,
Being drawn to the steeple,
Is it really too early for beer?

Merry Christmas everyone!

© Julian Rixon 2013

Hunter's Moon

How I love to see sun in the sky,

And to watch all the birdies go fly,

Then the moon comes along,

And they bring out the bong,

Cos the Cork people love to get high!

© Julian Rixon 2013

Smiley Face

Beware if a man thinly smiles,

Or quite patiently never reviles,

He cannot be blamed,

His ways can't be tamed,

For he may be afflicted with piles!

© Julian Rixon 2013

It Never Snows in Cork

I was told that Cork never sees snow,
Then it snowed - folk said, "Oh! What a blow!"
We thought it was light,
But then overnight,
It all settled - that'll teach 'em so!

How I laughed as the snow fell much faster,
And the RSA* tried to be master,
Of the bad situation,
Of no one's creation...
No denying a total disaster!

As the cars all ground to a halt,
And the grit ran out in the assault,
The snow took control,
And the ice took its toll,
Such a winter could cause a revolt!

To travel through snowdrifts, of course,
You need something good like a horse,
The phone lines were down,
So I said with a frown,
We'd be better off if we knew Morse!

The lessons to learn were quite clear,
As we sat in the snowdrifts that year,
Never say 'never',
It cannot be clever,
Being stranded in snow - oh dear!


© Julian Rixon 2013

*RSA is the Road Safety Authority in Ireland

Dog Walking for Dummies

Whilst walking one day with the dog,

I came across quite a big log,

I tried to go round,

Then I heard quite a sound -

We'd uncovered a secretive snog!

© Julian Rixon 2013

How An Irishman Loves to Talk

I don't want to kick up a fuss,
But an Irishman likes talking thus,
He'll blaspheme and curse,
And 'feck' and much worse,
Oh, an Irishman does love to cuss!

© Julian Rixon 2013

Whiskey Business

Ireland is famous for Whiskey,
And other things can be quite risky,
Such as passing the cattle,
Which can be a battle,
When at milking times they can be frisky!

© Julian Rixon 2013

The Milk Maid

An Irish maid once churning butter,
Saw a lad who did make her heart flutter,
She set sights on him,
But it turned pretty grim,
Cos she turned out to be a right nutter!

© Julian Rixon 2013

Pint of Beamish, please...

It's only a matter of taste,
If an Irishman sups beer with haste,
For the more that he drinks,
The less that he thinks,
How his wife will regard his big waist...

© Julian Rixon 2013

Precious Priest

Said the priest to the young girl, "I say!
I believe you are going my way!"
She shook her head madly,
And remarked at him sadly,
"There's my Dad! I think you'd better pray!"

© Julian Rixon 2013

Dealing Out The Dail

In politics nothing is clear,
When we're told that there's nothing to fear,
'Bout the climate of lending,
They're fiercely defending,
By saying, "Have another, m'dear!"

© Julian Rixon 2013